Your horse knows!
In Part One of this article I introduced the false self; the part of all human beings that obsesses about past experiences and worries about potential future problems. We all have a false self and it is not a bad thing. It helps is keep our behavior socially acceptable, it tries to keep us safe, and it contributes to the relationships we build with people and horses. In most of us the false self takes over our thinking to such a great extent that we lose some of our ability to perceive and interact with what is happening in the present moment, including with our horses. Horses don’t have a false self and in fact, they react negatively to people who have an “agenda” and are not being present and honest in the horse/human relationship.
In Part Two, I suggest ways in which we can “tame” the false self and by doing so, improve our horsemanship. Let me say again that the false self is not bad. Our objective is not to get rid of the false self, but to tame it and keep it from getting outside of it’s proper boundaries.
The first thing to understand about taming the false self, is that you cannot tame your false self with your false self. You cannot set out to change the way your mind works and improve your perception by conscious planning and effort. If you set out to tame your false self by your own strength of will, you will encourage your false self to take over your consciousness even more. The key to taming the false self is to come at the problem indirectly. In the same way that communication with horses is best done using indirect non-linear methods, the human spirit is transformed most effectively with non-linear methods.
The first step is to appreciate how strong your false self is. To do this, find a quiet spot where you can sit with no distractions for twenty minutes. Set a timer, so you won’t worry about the time or cut your session short. Sit in a comfortable chair, but not so comfortable that you will fall asleep. Close your eyes and begin noticing your thoughts. Here are some types of thoughts you might have:
- Am I doing this right?
- Is this working?
- I wonder if I should have said that to Mary last week.
- I shouldn’t forget to mow the lawn tomorrow.
- I wonder how I can convince my horse to get in the trailer.
- How am I going to pay the bills this month.
- What would someone think if they see me doing this.
- How am I going to make it up to Bob for blowing it yesterday.
- How am I going to do a better job to get the boss off my back.
- How am I going to find a job?
These are normal false self thoughts. Everyone has these types of thoughts. As you sit, you will notice very quickly that something is going on in your mind most every second. If you try to stop your thoughts, one of two things happens, (1) Your thoughts “go underground.” (You are actually still thinking, but you don’t realize it, or (2) When you succeed in stopping one thought, another one quickly pops up.
The objective of this exercise is not to stop thinking, it is to disconnect yourself from each thought as it comes along; to let the thought go and not get emotionally attached to them. This is not easy and it takes a lot of practice. If you commit to doing this kind of “contemplative sit” every day for 20 minutes, over time you will see a difference in the way you see things. You will find yourself more perceptive of what is around you. You will find yourself less critical of your horses and other people. You will find that you worry less about the future. These changes may happen gradually over several months or even years. You may not have much sense of progress, or much sense of anything at all happening. A sense of progress, or accomplishment is false self stuff.
As you sit and observe your thoughts, think of sitting on a river bank watching your thoughts go down the river in little boats. As each boat comes down the river towards you, let it go on down the river and you stay seated on the bank in your mind. Inevitably, you will not be successful all the time. You may suddenly realize that you have jumped on a boat and are going on down the river attached to a particular thought. As soon as you realize that this has happened, focus on your breathing, and place yourself figuratively back on the bank. If this is not enough, focus on a word or two, such as “in” “out” in time with your breathing.
If you have trouble, getting started with this exercise, try “walking meditation.” Pick a place in nature which is free of human noise and distraction, such as a walking path where few people go. As you walk, observe your thoughts in the same way, and let them go when they come up.
Done properly, this exercise should seem like doing absolutely nothing, and that is the point. Doing and accomplishing is false self stuff. Your false self will not give up easily. It may pester you about wasting time. After a day or two your false self is likely to become more and more creative at keeping your attention. Don’t give in. Keep returning to the bank and letting your thoughts go. At its heart, this exercise should be not about your “attention” but your “intention”. This means don’t pay attention to your thoughts, instead put your energy into “intending” to let them go.
Don’t expect dramatic results quickly. You may not experience a difference for quite a while. However, one day, you will realize that you are better at perceiving your horses and less anxious about “achieving” things with them. Your horses will notice the difference. You may see their behavior towards you become less obstructive and more cooperative. As your false self is returned to its proper place in your consciousness, you are likely to see differences in lots of different areas in your life.
Leave some comments about what you think, or post your questions.
